Addiction and self-loathing

The underlying events and emotions that often lead to total devastation in the form of addiction/alcoholism are rarely, if ever, spoken of.

The shame, stigma and silence surrounding addiction sadly ends in the death of at least *90 people in the U.S. every day.  As a society, people are becoming increasingly disconnected from each other, their faces glued to electronic devices, this is a problem that is only getting worse.  NOTE:  This blog had to be edited due to disturbing content. 

*According to the National Institute of Health (NIH)

Childhood.  Broken.

Controlled.  Taught to fear everything.  Dysfunction.  Pain.  Turmoil.

Violated.  Stolen childhood.  Confusion.  Shame.   Wanting to be someone…anyone else.


Introversion.  Fear of people.  Feeling forced to wear a facade.  Fear of rejection.

Facade.  Masquerade. Charade.

Failure to connect with family and friends.  Shame.

Rebellion.  Distrust.

Self-hatred.  Can’t relate or engage.  Pain.

Misunderstood and horribly uncomfortable in your skin.

A great loss of life…a child promised, then taken.  Physical and emotional pain.  Over and over again.  Severe anxiety.

A growing hole in your soul.  The pain is excruciating.

A time for giving up.

Red pill.  Blue pill.  Finding that perfect alchemy.  At long last, no pain.

The promise of a new way to live up to expectations.  A filthy lie from the start.

A slippery slope.  An avalanche.  By now, you are enslaved.  Guilt.

Feelings of inadequacy.  Marked by a scarlet letter.  Judgement.

Forming superficial bonds with others who are marked.  Judgement.

A moment of clarity. Stuck in a den of snakes.  Shame.  Complete disillusionment.

Drowning.  Stuck.  Chemical handcuffs hold you to the bottom of a poisonous sea.

Apathy.  Giving up.  Completely disconnected.

The angel of death refuses to come.  Attempts to call her are in vain.  You knock harder on death’s door.  There is no answer.

Life is devoid of meaning.

Shaken.  Desperate pleas from some who believe they once knew an exceptional person.  Begging you to stop drowning her.

Slapped awake by words close enough to be heard through deep and murky waters.

Recovering.  Pain.  Struggle.  Hope.  Pain.

Clarity.  Growth.

Handcuffs dissolve.  You swim upward,  lifting yourself out of the sea of poison, lies and death.

You begin.  Again.


4 thoughts on “Addiction and self-loathing

  1. This blog post is the first of many to come addressing addiction, the unsuccessful approaches to overcoming addiction, identifying successful ways to address and treat addiction, and speaking out to promote increased knowledge and reduction in the stigma associated with addiction.

    Liked by 2 people

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